What Do You Really Want?
Nov, 2018
I was attending a retreat, The Ruach Journey, when Elizabeth and Sylvia Gunter asked me a similar question Jesus asked Bartemeous in Mark 10:43. "What do you really want?"
The answer was to be a metaphor of who I was created to be.
With my pen and paper in hand, and with great anticipation, I asked God many times. But it was actually not until three months later that I heard God’s voice very powerfully and wrote what I remembered he implanted in my heart many years earlier as a child. This is what I wrote that day:
Today I am at the beach with my spirit soaring as I smell the salty air and hear the waves, and I realize that what I really want - has to include water. God just whispered that to me. It took me back to my days as a child. I wanted to be an explorer who reached the islands for Jesus Christ. I wanted to be like Ferdinand Magellan, who brought many to Jesus, ( OK….despite his prideful and his not so nice ending - I didn’t get that at the time) I knew him as a pioneer, a missionary exploring the oceans. I wanted to explore the farthest Islands, to reach the most unreached people in the world , to be a missionary doctor, to heal the sick, bind up the broken hearted and heal their wounds. I wanted to the climb the largest of mountains, to be able to set sail to the farthest of seas and to “ love the least of these “. As I felt the Holy Spirit fill me, I began to recite Psalm 2:8, “Ask of me and I will give you the nations as your inheritance and the uttermost parts of the earth as your possession. Lord , I ask for the nations, the most obscure waters, the farthest of lands, the least and greatest of your hearts that you want me to bring your healing to. . As the waters crash over my feet, the Lord whispers “The water represents my Holy Spirit, let it wash over you and fill you with the power and strength of what I have for you.”
This was part of my journal that day when God reminded me of what I wanted when my heart was a child exploring the world with wide eyed wonder. And I realize it is a pretty accurate metaphor for how I am created to be. I am created to be a healer of hearts. I am created to be one to bind up heart wounds and set people free to be who they were meant to be. I am still drawn to the remotest parts of the earth to love a people that need to know Him. I am deeply emotional, I am deeply adventurous, and I am deeply studious. I am created to discover, learn, dig deep and then give that knowledge to people. To be a resource of Gods healing heart. I am not satisfied with the norm, but I go to places and seek out the deepest knowledge on a subject. I pour it out to others. It's not for me. I may not be that missionary doctor I once desired…but I know myself better. I am designed to heal emotionally and when God gives - even physically with His supernatural power. It gives me the greatest joy to tell those farthest, those the least, those that don’t know about God’s healing power of the cross- to pray for them, to love them and to be the facilitator of the Lords healing. I am still discovering all I was designed to be, but this metaphor was a catapult of realizing and comfirming who I am designed to be…who He designed me to be. So…To know those far and near, to know those from the obscure seas, or in the deepest trench. To walk with those with a small problem or in the depths of pain, to set my boat out to sea and sail with them…in order to heal their hearts and bring them to the cross of Jesus- now that makes my Spirit soar.
How about you? What do YOU really want? What were YOU created to do? Ask God for a metaphor of who you were created and designed to be? “Take heart, rise up he is calling YOU!!!”