Is this My Heart?
Sept 1, 2018
Jesus came to visit me. I was about 6 or 7 years old and was enjoying my time with him in our front yard when he brought me over to the shrubs by our living room window. I bent down, reached into the bushes and picked up a homemade wooden box looking as if I had sawed the pieces and nailed them together at my fathers work bench at that same age. Holding the box out in my hand, I looked at Jesus and asked Him ‘Is this my heart Jesus?’ He stared at me in silence. Feeling rather indignant that he wasn’t responding to my question - I asked again with a little more pressure “Is this my heart?” He walked away, again in silence, leaving me alone to decide. I woke up obviously realizing there was something pretty important Jesus was trying to show me in that dream.
By this time in my walk with God, I knew more than ever the restoration of the heart was central - I had walked into a lot of healing and I felt sure I was living from my heart. ‘Was it really still locked up somewhere? .well...that might have been an understatement. I think that will be a question for the rest of my life as I continue to heal and unviel the treasure of a heart Jesus gave me AND that I need to live from.
We know that from our heart flows the Wellspring of Life. By the heart, we gain understanding, In it, the Holy Spirit resides. On it, the Word of God is written; All that we speak comes from the heart , and we love God “with all of our heart”.( Prov 16:22) The heart is even a tablet on which anything can be written!
But what is usually penned in that place is far from the truth that God intended and our hearts remain terribly wounded. We long to see God as he really is and experience his presence and we fail to see that he is waiting on us to give him access to restore our hearts. We see God through the filter of our own responses to our wounds and our hearts are held partially captive - sometimes in homemade boxes nailed tightly shut since we were age 7 or even 7 months.
We know Jesus came to restore so we cry out to him and yes, he shows us slowly in this beautiful weave of close relationship that we love to call “waiting on Him”.
I didn't have to wait for very long the morning of that dream. Shortly after breakfast-I heard a gentle whisper; ...“Behold I stand at the door and knock”. Taken by surprise, I replied… ‘You’re knocking now,... aren’t you Jesus?’ Surprisingly, Jesus chose not to answer my question with words, He didn’t have to. I held my breath when I felt the shooting pain in my heart with which he answered. I pictured the poorly built box with no opening that was in my dream. ’You are asking for those feelings?’ I said. That is way too hard.... And I rarely say that to Jesus.
Oh that pain was very familiar- I didn’t even have to ask. It was the burden bearing portion of my spirit. All the compassion, empathy and sensitivity that causes me to feel the pain of others rushed to the surface in one moment and along with it.... all the shame attached to it from those in my life who labeled it weak. Well, this wasn't the first time I faced this, but healing works in layers and God was obvioulsy putting His hand on something. Forgiving those who never validated that sensitive heart brought freedom. I gave that box to Jesus to open that day and repented of ways that I turned from whom He created me to be, a sensitive burden bearer - who leads others to the cross. I think the rest of the world likes to call it a highly sensitive individual these days...But Jesus calls it - His heart, His burden. Healing that day brought me into a new level of freedom in knowing my identity in Christ. With the lies melted, new truths were able to be written on the tablet of my heart. The largest of which is one fact-
I bear the image of the the ultimate burden bearer Christ himself - who bore our burdens on a tree. I knew that...in my head...but now my heart believed it on a new level.
That’s only one example - but that is what prayer ministry does- it restores our hearts to the truth of the Gospel and the truth of who we are. John Sandford, founder of Elijah House, called it “evangelizing the unbelieving places of believer’s heart” .
And when our hearts are really restored in an area, I mean really restored - forgiveness is complete and pain is washed away by the river of His grace. When lies and vows with which our hearts are deeply entrenched are crushed at the cross and replaced with God's unaltering truth, we flow in a deeper congruency with our unique design and our life comes more into alignment with His Spirit. We are secure in God’s love and suddenly a fuller level of freedom and victory begins to emerge. Generational patterns are broken and relationships restored. We reach out and begin to lay hold of our true destinies which were “prepared in heaven in advance”. We are undone by His mercy that he would come for our hearts to restore us.
Restoration is on God's heart for us as believers. We cannot miss it. Jesus came to restore our hearts. He longs for us to feel whole, healed, alive and free and He is coming to show you what is in your homemade wooden box that keep you from being whole in him? Is it your heart?! Is it a part of it? He longs to heal it.
And my friend, if its like mine, and you are sensitive and bear the heavy burdens of people's hearts, I invite you to the cross to lay them there, He wants to tell you too, you bear the image of Jesus, who bore our burdens on a tree.